An etymologist's dilemma

On the way home from school today, I was passed (quite speedily, I might add) by a man driving a vehicle with handicapped plates (or, for the PC and alliteration-loving among us, "disabled person parking plates").

First, the juxtaposition of the plates with the speed with which he passed me (he was going at least 90) made me laugh. Before he completely zipped by, however, I caught a glimpse of something that kept me entertained for the rest of the trip--vanity plates that read "LAME."

This puzzled me. Did he mean that it was "totally lame" that his know-it-all children or bossy wife made him get the "disabled person parking plates"? Or was being lame, in fact, his disability?

Dialing down the teacher

This time of year is always busy, but this year seems busier than most. I seem to have an inordinately large number of papers to grade, more students than average who need extra help, homework and presentations for the class I'm taking, not to mention loads and loads of Christmas shopping. Perhaps because of all this seasonal stress, I've had a harder time than usual lately dialing down the teacher while in public.

At a local mall just last night, I had three separate teacher moments with local teenagers:

I saw a young man with low-riding pants, and I had to stop myself mid-sentence from telling him to take pull them off. "No one wants to see that," I started to say.

I saw a young lady drop something, pause long enough to look at it, then keep walking. This time, I tried to stop myself but succumbed to the pressure. I asked her to come pick up what she had dropped.

I saw a group of young men wearing the exact same red baseball hat, all of which had oversized flat brims and were far too large for their little heads. This time, I didn't even try to stop myself. I turned to the friend I was shopping with and said rather loudly, "Isn't it a shame that they couldn't at least find different dorky hats?"

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

My students were scheduled to give oral presentations today. Most of them went quite well. Others, however...

Student: "I can't give my presentation today. Actually, I won't be ready until later this week."

Me: "Why not? We've been working on these for weeks, and you had all of Thanksgiving break to prepare."

Student: "I have a zit."

Chickens: nature's clowns

Today is the last of what has become a three-part "videos that make Rachel laugh" series. I have always insisted that chickens are the most hilarious of all animals (certainly the most hilarious of the water fowl). I implore my readers to watch this video and not laugh. Go ahead. Just try. I dare you.

Ode to Muppets

Always of the belief that there is no such thing as too much Muppets, here are a few more that follow in the same vein as yesterday's Muppets post. For some reason, the Muppets performing classical music seems even more appropriate than the Muppets performing Queen.

Queen of Muppets

Because life with "Bohemian Rhapsody" is good.

Life with the Muppets is better.

Life with both makes for a very happy Thanksgiving weekend.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

This was one of the longest weeks ever. I think it took me an entire week to recover from last Saturday's birthday bash. Perhaps, then, I shouldn't have been surprised when I kept forgetting things all week. Yesterday morning, I forgot to put on half my makeup (that is, I forgot to use half my products, not I only made up half my face). The fact that I forgot just half was especially ridiculous.

I realized that I was missing my eye makeup when I was only about ten minutes from home. I figured no one would notice, though, so I just kept driving. But I forgot how aware of these things teenage girls are:

First Period...
Student: "Are you tired? You look really tired today."
Me: "Actually, yes, I am really tired."
(No idea that she was really saying, "Your eyes look strangely disgusting today.")

Third Period...
Student: "Are you feeling okay today? You look a little sick."
Me: "Well, I'm a little tired, but fine otherwise."
(No idea that she was really saying, "You look sickly and gross without a little help from Clinque.)

Sixth Period...
Student: "Do you usually wear glasses? Something seems different about you."
Me (yes, it took me this long to remember): "Yeah, I forgot to wear eye makeup today."
Student: "That's it!"
Another student: "How do you forget something like that?"

Seriously, I'm turning the car around next time.