My National Grammar Day Playlist

Very few people seem to realize (or acknowledge, or care) how many grammatical errors pop up in pop music.

Just so it won't continue to drive you as crazy as it does me, the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar has developed a list of songs that contain such errors. We plan to rock out to the playlist in my classroom on National Grammar Day (singing the appropriate lyrics, of course), but I thought it would be fun to correct the a few of the errors, too. Yes, I really do find this enjoyable.

I've edited the rest of the post below to include the original, grammatically incorrect, lyrics, much as it pained me to do so:

"Touch Me" by The Doors
Now, I'm going to love you until the heavens stop the rain.
I'm going to love you
Until the stars fall from the sky for you and me...for you and me.

Original lyrics:
Now, I'm going to love you until the heavens stop the rain.
I'm going to love you
Until the stars fall from the sky for you and I...for you and I.

"A Horse With No Name" by America
In the desert, you can remember your name
because there isn't anyone to give you any pain
La, la ...

Original lyrics:
In the desert, you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...

"Lay Lady Lay" by Bob Dylan
Lie, lady, lie. Lie across my big brass bed.
Lie, lady, lie. Lie across my big brass bed.

Original lyrics:
Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big brass bed.
Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big brass bed.

(If the FCC was worth its salt, it would issue heavy fines to every radio station that plays this song as-is. "Lay, lady, lay"? No, thank you, Bob Dylan! I'm a married woman!)

"Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones
I can't get any satisfaction
I can't get any satisfaction
Because I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get any, I can't get any

Original lyrics:
I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

Ahh...that feels so much better. If only that was an exhaustive list!

High School Students' Finest News Source

We talked briefly about satire in one of my classes yesterday. The kids had a teacher earlier in the year who tried to teach them about it, but he didn't have much luck. I told them that The Onion is a fine example of modern-day satire. Most of them got it, but some looked at me with blank stares. I explained that it's a good example of satire because, although it's obviously fake, it still illustrates real issues. It's over-the-top and ridiculous, but that's what makes its commentary effective. A few of them thought for a moment until one finally said: "Wait. Are you saying that The Onion is fake?!"

Oh my. Yes, kids; it's fake:

Me, Myself and I

Thanks so much to my very dear friend, Jessica, for forwarding this wonderful story to me.

When I read it, I couldn't help but think of another Commander-in-Chief with a similar problem: former Concordia president Thomas Thomsen. We had a standing joke at The Concordian, the illustrious weekly newspaper of our college, that his name wasn't actually Dr. Thomsen, nor was it President Thomsen or even Tom or Tommy. His name was "BarbandI." Every single first-person reference included his wife:

"Barb and I are so grateful."

"Barb and I saw a great movie last week."

"Barb and I still haven't figured out why we get strange looks at the mall."

I hate to think that our 44th president is becoming a "MichelleandI."

The article also points out that President Obama uses "myself" in an attempt to avoid learning whether "I" or "me" is correct. Like the students who place an apostrophe directly over the S, we're on to you, Mr. President. Such malfeasance is grounds to have your membership in the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar revoked. Next to impeachment, I can't imagine a worse fate.

Yes, I Am a Grammar Nazi

My students are reading Night by Elie Wiesel right now, so I use the above illusion hesitantly. I will say, however, that I wish I could use the video below in my class. Along with reading the book, we're also discussing the Holocaust and preparing for National Grammar Day festivities next Wednesday (Only 7 shopping days left! Don't wait until National Grammar Day Eve!). What a perfect marriage this is, if not for the vulgarity and questionable taste:



Mel Brooks once said that the best way to take revenge on Hitler's legacy was to laugh at him. Couple that with a series of grammar jokes, and I couldn't agree more.

Partisan politics? Yes, please.

In the past few weeks, I've heard much about the dissolving honeymoon period of the Obama presidency. The attempt at bipartisanship was an apparent failure, we're back to the same old Washington infighting and I have to ask: what's wrong with that?

While I may not agree with those of the minority party, this open dialogue certainly is a welcome departure from the "if you're not with us, you're against us" attitude of the last eight years. Besides, partisanship is hardly a new phenomenon. This piece from NPR's "On the Media" is one of the best explanations I've heard for why we will always have--and perhaps why we will always need--partisan bickering:

So long, Conan

Conan O'Brien left the airwaves last week. He'll be back in June as host of The Tonight Show, but I just don't think it'll be the same.

Who else includes a grammar bit in a "best of" montage?



And for the record:
Usage Note: Snuck is an Americanism first introduced in the 19th century as a nonstandard regional variant of sneaked. Widespread use of snuck has become more common with every generation. It is now used by educated speakers in all regions. Formal written English is more conservative than other varieties, of course, and here snuck still meets with much resistance. Many writers and editors have a lingering unease about the form, particularly if they recall its nonstandard origins. And 67 percent of the Usage Panel disapproved of snuck in our 1988 survey. Nevertheless, an examination of recent sources shows that snuck is sneaking up on sneaked. Snuck was almost 20 percent more common in newspaper articles published in 1995 than it was in 1985.

And Conan's favorite clip is absolutely hilarious:



Can you make a play for a potential Civil War widow on national television before Midnight? I don't think so.

"She's breathtaking"

There's a classic episode of Seinfeld in which a doctor tells Elaine she's "breathtaking." Not more than 30 seconds later, the same doctor says the same thing about a baby who is universally acknowledged as hideous. Naturally, Elaine questions about whom the doctor is lying, her or the hideous baby.

Every time I get my hair cut, my fabulous hairdresser, Rick, tells me that I'm "looking fabulous." Not supposing that he had reason to lie, I'm always flattered. Yesterday afternoon, while waiting for my appointment, a less-than-attractive woman walked in. She had thinning hair, painted-on eyebrows and an outfit that was at least two sizes two small. As soon as Rick saw her, he said, "Hey, darlin'! Lookin' fabulous!"

So who is he lying to? Me or the lady without eyebrows?! How often do we accept compliments without realizing that, no, we aren't "breathtaking," and, no, we are not "looking fabulous"? And in the grand scheme of things, does the true motive behind the compliment matter if it makes us feel just a little better about ourselves?

Still laughing about the boron

One of the benefits of Matt's current status as full-time student is that he sends me a "funny link of the day" email. Sadly, this has become one of the highlights of my day. Some of them are ridiculous or just plain stupid, but some of them keep me laughing for hours. This recent one is a great example:



I'm still laughing.

And in case you're curious, this is the original article that sparked the rant.

Valentine's Day

In my haste to prepare for National Grammar Day (only 14 shopping days left!), I completely forgot to post about our Valentine's Day.

Matt and I had tickets to the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, who performed with Savion Glover on Saturday. We were reminded of how terribly illegal it would have been to record Mr. Glover, but this is a great representation of what we saw:



My dad once said that my mom only took him to classical music concerts that involved a lot of loud noises or flashy additions. This month, Savion Glover. Next month, The Canadian Brass. Guilty as charged.

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like National Grammar Day"

As I'm sure most faithful readers are aware, there are only 24 shopping days until National Grammar Day. March 4th ("March forth") will be here before we know it, so it's never too early to prepare. Thanks to the folks at the Society for the Protection of Good Grammar for this little game, which is sure to get you in the holiday spirit. Why should my students have all the fun? Leave your answers to "Correct the Celebrity!" in the comments section.

1. Which album title has the spelling error?

a. “Dutchess,” by Fergie
b. “Growing Pains” by Mary J. Blige
c. “Graduation” by Kanye West
d. None of the above

2. What’s wrong with this lyric by Justin Timberlake?

“When you cheated girl
My heart bleeded girl.”

a. It’s perfect as it is. Leave Justin alone!
b. “Bleeded” is not a word. “Bled” is.
c. There should be commas before and after “girl”
d. Both b and c are correct.

3. Note the errors Paris Hilton made blogging about her new shoe collection. (Hint: there are at least four!)

“Don’t worry, if you arent in Orange County, you can also get the shoes at Kitson, Zappos.com, Endless.com, Bakers, Lord & Taylor and select specialty boutiques across the counrty”

4. Correct the following movie titles:

a. How She Move
b. The Pursuit of Happynes
c. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
d. The 40 Year Old Virgin
(I would add one more as noted by Ms. Lynn Truss: Two Weeks Notice)

5. Note the error in this statement by Christina Aguilera:

Today is a very joyful and special day for Jordan and I as we welcome our first son into this world.

6. What’s wrong with this David Hasselhoff quote?

“I am also doing a heart-rendering set on my life and the mistakes I have made.”

a. There should be a comma after life.
b. “heart-rendering” doesn’t need a hyphen.
c. “heart-rendering” should be “heart-rending”
d. The sentence is fine as is.

7. A boyfriend of Jessica Simpson’s dumped her via text message. The related headline contains an error. What is it? (The grammatical error, that is. Ignore the garish social milieu of ending a relationship via text message.)

Jessica Dumped in 118 Characters or Less

Happy birthday (observed), Barley!

I've been sitting on a few choice videos of Barley and his classic destruction, saving them to honor Barley's third birthday (observed). He was a shelter puppy, so we're not exactly sure when he was born. Lucky Barley gets to celebrate the first two weeks in February as his birthday (observed). I figure, if it's good enough for Washington and Lincoln, it's good enough for my baby dog.

Barley got a new toy from his friend, Austin (the doggie, not the person), a few weeks ago. Matt gave him the present and filmed him opening it:


The real damage came within 45 minutes of opening the present when Barley went on a complete destruction tear. He took his present (and its packaging and several other toys) downstairs one at a time, methodically ripping everything he could to shreds:


We got him another toy for his birthday (observed), but, honestly, I'm a little nervous to give it to him.

I heart(ed) Mall Cop

During our unexpected mid-week vacation last week, Matt and I saw Kevin James' new movie, Mall Cop. We loved The King of Queens, we love Kevin James, and we laughed all through this movie.

After we saw the movie, I read a really bad review of the film in the Post. Here's the kicker: "Bottom line: If I were home sick and came across 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' on cable, then discovered that the remote was wayyy on the other side of the room, I could lie on the couch and watch the entire thing without being unhappy. But under normal circumstances, when there are so many other films to see, why bother?"

I'll tell you why you should bother, Ms. self-righteous-reviewer Jen Chaney. Because there's nothing wrong with a clean, goofy movie that just makes you laugh. Because when the world is sucky, movies like Grand Torino, Slumdog Millionaire and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button can be real downers. Because when things are rough, watching a fat security officer somersault through a mall is a wonderful remedy for the world which ails us.

Why I teach

There are several reasons, yes. These are just a couple.

First, when I watch this video (thanks, Anna), I'm not only thrilled that I don't work in an office anymore, but I'm also grateful that I neither scream when I get to school, nor do I daydream about striking any most of my students.


Second, I get to show hilarious videos like this in class:

And when the kids ask "where did you get that?" I get to laugh at the stunned faces when they find out that I know about YouTube, an apparently secret site, hidden from teachers everywhere.

Big game bummer

There was something missing from this year's Super Bowl. I heard there were fewer sponsors this year, fewer glitzy Hollywood parties, and less money spent in general on Super Bowl XLIII than in years past. Whatever it was, I just wasn't into the big game.

I was, however, very interested in Puppy Bowl V. Matt went to a friend's house to watch the game, and Barley and I stayed home to grade papers and write lesson plans. Barley's ears perked up every time one of the puppies barked or yelped. Personally, I loved the addition of the doggie spectators, but I could do without the kitty halftime show.

I was also more entertained by this year's commercials than I have been previously. Without a doubt, I enjoyed the commercials more than the game, though I always swore I wouldn't ever become one of those people. These were some of my favorites:

Lined with a Sherpa?

While clipping coupons from the Sunday Post not long ago, I came across an ad for "sherpa-lined gloves." I've done some research since then, and I've found dozens of products lined with "sherpa."

Maybe I'm grossly misinformed, but isn't a sherpa a Tibetan mountain-climber in the Nepalese Himalayas? Don't they help carry things for people who are trying to cross mountain passes? We nicknamed a tough girl "the sherpa" on our canoe trip this summer.

The thought of one of those poor people lining a glove is more than a little disturbing. And I feel really, really bad that I can't stop laughing at the mental image.