My Brilliant Househusband

Since he's been home during the days because of school, Matt has become increasingly domestic. His most recent idea is so clever that I just had to share it.

I'm a big fan of lemon in my water, especially in the summer, and Matt loves lemon in Pepsi, Coke, etc. We have an abundance of ice cube trays in our house, so Matt filled one of the trays with lemon juice. Each ice cube square holds a perfect two tablespoons of lemon juice. When mixed with a few regular ice cubes, it provides just the right amount of lemon.

Pearls of Teenage (and Teacher) Wisdom

When a student came to class with jeans below his backside for about the 100th time...

Me: "Seriously, pull your pants up. How would you feel if I taught this class with my underwear showing and my pants hanging below my backside?"

Him: "Would you seriously do that?"

Me: "Try me. Pull your pants up."

Shout-outs

First, thank you to Maria for the wonderful Earth Day prizes! They are amazing, and she was more than generous. I've already used the produce bags a couple times, though I have to wait a few days on the Diva Cup.

Second, even if you're reading this outside the Twin Cities, be sure to vote for Missy as "Best Local Blog" over on this site. She's still leading the pack with 40% of the vote, and there are only a few weeks left to vote. Good luck!

Sham Wow? Sham Yes!

That title may be a little misleading. A few months ago, I saw an advertisement for the next great miracle product: the Sham Wow. As I did with a certain iPod commercial, I quickly wrote to Sham Wow when I saw that they had created a word. Unlike "everyday" which is sometimes one word, "everytime" is never a word. I shared this tidbit with the company and received a very rude brush-off. In other words, par for the course in my crusade for proper grammar. At least this company wrote me back.

Then, while shopping at Costco last weekend, I saw this display:

Every time! Two words! I got so excited that poor, embarrassed Matt quickly darted into the electronics section. I took a picture with my awful camera phone while repeating "It's two words! It's two words!" like a crazy person. This picture is a little fuzzy because I could not stop my hand from shaking with excitement.

At school today, I shared this wonderful grammar triumph with my students. I told them that one of three things happened: 1. My message got through to someone. 2. They received the same message from a bunch of people. 3. Someone in their marketing department realized the error. I told them that, whatever the reason, there was a ray of hope. Indeed, I'm still glowing from it.

Unfortunately, Sham Wow's website hasn't caught up to their packaging. Their site, which is so much easier to fix than their packaging, still says "everytime." Won't you please join my crusade for "every time"? Send an email to ronny@squareoneent.com and urge the company to bring its website up to par with its packaging.

My baker's sweet moves

My baker may not look like this guy or have this guy's moves, but my baker sends me videos like these, which is much better.

Apparently, the private party is available

When we went to the Twins game last week, I chastised a bouncer for a good 15 minutes about all the things that are wrong with this sign:


He pretended to agree with me and feel my pain, but I think he was just lying to avoid a grammar-fueled altercation in front of his establishment. Wise move, my friend.

Cinco de Matto

Last weekend, we held our much-anticipated Cinco de Matto celebration in honor of Matt's 30th birthday. In honor of the occasion, I commissioned our friend Garrett to make a cornhole set with Matt's face on it. Much to my surprise, instead of putting Matt's head on both, Garrett made us a delightful set:


Aside from the cornhole and a boat-load of delicious Mexican food, we were joined by dozens of Matt's wonderful friends...


not to mention several of Matt's other favorite things, from fireworks...


to a very special piñata:




Okay, the piñata experience was more for me. Regardless, happy birthday, Matt!

Opposite Day at Camden Yards

The Twins were in town last Thursday, so we assembled much of our little immigrant community and headed to the game. We bought $45 tickets from a scalper for $15, then sneaked into the bleacher section anyway: opposite day.

Sadly, the Twins lost both of the mere two games they're playing in Baltimore this year, but we still had a great time at the ballpark:


Note all the jalapeños, which made for a particularly rough Friday morning:

"They're still good."

Matt is still laughing about this sign:

It's sad how few Twins players I know now. I'll learn all their names by the post-season, I swear.

And, of course, the obligatory usher picture for my dad. This man didn't care that he was in the bleachers. He was in charge, and we knew it.

After the game, we headed to Pickles, where Matt warmed up his cornhole skills. Little did he know how soon they would come in handy! More on that in a later post. Stay tuned.

Happy Mother's Day!

If nerds ran the world

Everyone would know what I already know: that I'm married to a rock star:



And everyday life would be so much simpler:

Well, well, well...

It's been a while since I passed along Matt's "funny email of the day." Here's his latest:

What am I going to do when he goes back to work next week after his finals?

Having My Cake

Last summer, I posted about my Splenda dependency. At that time and for months before, my friend Jessica had harped on me about the other habits that had hung on from my Weight Watchers days. In my relentless pursuit for foods with few or no calories, I found myself eating copious amounts of chemicals, artificial flavors and unnatural colors.

Giving up Splenda set off a firestorm of healthy eating. Last summer I also read Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food, and I subscribed to Heidi Swanson's cooking blog. I focused less on counting calories and "Points," and more on eating whole, natural, organically grown food. I gave up eating four-legged animals last fall, and I focused on getting protein from nuts and beans and iron from leafy greens. I gave up as many processed foods as I could and I convinced myself that it's okay to eat real butter and olive oil. I even switched Barley's food from Science Diet to one free of fillers and other artificial ingredients.

The most amazing thing about this shift in nutritional focus is that I haven't gained any of the weight I lost on Weight Watchers. In fact, I think I've lost a pound or two. I'm literally having my cake and eating it, too, even if the version I'm eating now is made from organic whole wheat semolina instead of flour.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

With confirmed cases of swine flu flurrying about, one of the schools in our school system has been shut down for the last week or so. Our students found out today that those students aren't going to have to make up the days they're missing. A few kids today suggested that "someone" become infected with said flu, so our school would also have a few free days off. "C'mon, Mrs. S.," they begged. "Take one for the team."

Highway Robbery

Last weekend, Matt and one of his beer-brewing partners entered a brewing competition at one of our favorite local brewpubs, Ellicott Mills Brewing Company. For weeks before the competition, the two of them sampled dozens of different brown ales and pored over even more recipes. They brewed this batch with particular precision and created a smooth, easy-to-drink ale.

On the day of the competition, I sat right next to the judges, using my bionic teacher ears to listen to their comments. Unlike stereotypical wine-tasting judges, these beer judges were cracking jokes and enjoying their task. "This one smells like my grandma's house," one said. "Was this one brewed with black olives?" another asked. Matt's was the last to be sampled, and the judges had nothing but rave reviews. One even said that it tasted like the brown ale brewed by Smuttynose.

When it came time to announce the winner, one of the bar's owners said that two beers had earned a perfect score, a feat unheard of in the world of beer-brewing competitions. He announced that the two "perfect" beers were Matt's and one other. And how did they decide between two pints of ale perfection? With a further vote? Another blind tasting? Perhaps one of the bartenders or servers broke the tie. No, the tie was broken by the regular at the end of the bar. "I could sit and drink this one all day," he said after sampling the competition.

For days after the competiton, Matt was calling himself the "first loser." It didn't seem right that a hybrid between Cliff and Norm decided such a fate. Highway robbery, indeed.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

Student: "Mrs. S, do you have any kids?"

Me: "Nope. I have a lovely doggie, but no kids."

Student: "Dang, Mrs. S! You got to get ON that!"

(After at least a minute of my laughter) Student: "Seriously. You don't want to wait until you're really old like my mom. She was almost 30 when she had me."

Happy 30th, dear Matthew

I've been thinking for a long time about a post for Matt's 30th birthday today. How do I poignantly wish him a happy milestone without sounding trite or sappy? So instead of relying merely on my own words, I'm sharing the adapted words of another instead:

"A Man Who Thinks He is Thirty"
Adapted from a poem by Ogden Nash

Unwillingly Matthew awakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling step he takes,
Shuddering to the mirror.
Matthew is in Matthew's sight
Just old and gray and dirty;
Twenty-nine he was last night;
This morning he is thirty.

Shining like the morning star,
Like the twilight shining,
Haunted by a calendar,
Dear Matthew is a-pining.

Silly boy, silver boy,
Draw the mirror toward you:
Time who makes the years to whirl
Adorned as he adored you.

Time is timelessness for you;
Calendars for the human;
What's a year--or thirty--to
Loveliness made person?

Oh, Night will not see thirty again,
Yet soft her wing, dear Matthew;
Pick up your glass and tell me, then--
How old is Spring, dear Matthew?