Our Christmas Conundrum

The longer we live in Maryland, the more I feel torn between two homes.  Never is that more evident than at Christmas.  Matt and I have spent the last few Christmas mornings in our own house, which is wonderful.  All the while, however, we find ourselves missing our friends and families back in Minnesota.

In other words, part of us sings "Crabs for Christmas"


...while the other part sings "Rusty Chevrolet"


We are a people torn between two Christmases.

I'm a Lutheran 'til I die

This was an overwhelmingly Lutheran weekend.  

Matt and I went to the Prairie Home Companion "Summer of Love" tour on Friday evening (with some Lutheran friends, naturally) at the beautiful Pier 6 Pavilion in Baltimore's Inner Harbor.

We had wonderful seats (thanks, Garrett!), and we could've reached out and touched Garrison as he walked through the crowd:

Yesterday morning was an equally Lutheran experience: Rally Sunday.  It was so good to be back at church with our awesome high schoolers.  They've done more thinking and reasoning about their faith and their place in the world's faith community than most of the adults I know.  They're an inspiration.

In honor of all this glorious Lutheranness, I thought I'd share a song that aired on this weekend's Prairie Home Companion rebroadcast.  It was written in 1999 when the ELCA merged with the Episcopalians.  You can also cross your fingers and try to listen to the song here.

"I'm a Lutheran" by Garrison Keillor

Hello from Minnesota.
You call it pasta, we call it macaroni,
and thank you very much,
yes, I believe I will have more. And

I was raised in Iowa, went to Concordia,
Swedish, I'm proud to say.
Got a job at Lutheran Brotherhood,
And I never was sick one day.
Bought a house in south Minneapolis
Over by Cedar Lake
If you ask me this latest merger
Was nothing but a big mistake.
Now I have nothing against Episcopalians
I believe in an open door
I'm sure it's good to get new ideas
But we never did it that way before.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

We are a modest people
And we never make a fuss
And it sure would be a better world
If they were all as modest as us.
We do not go for whooping it up,
Or a lot of yikkety-yak.
When we say hello, we avert our eyes
And we always sit in the back.
We sit in the pew where we always sit,
And we do not shout Amen.
And if anyone yells or waves their hands,
They're not invited back again.
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

We've got chow mein noodles on tuna hotdish
And Jello with cottage cheese,
And chocolate bars and banana cream pie,
No wonder we're on our knees.
This is the church where we sing Amen
At the end of every song.
The coffee pot is always on
Cause the meetings are three hours long.
The blessed tie that binds our hearts
Is cream of mushroom soup
We do not walk through the door alone.
We wait and go as a group.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

Episcopalians are proud of their faith,
You ought to hear em talk
Who they got? They got Henry the 8th
And we got J.S. Bach.
Henry the 8th he had six wives
Trying to make a son.
J.S Bach had 23 children
And wives, he had just one.
Henry the 8th'd marry a woman
And then her head would drop
J.S. Bach had all those kids
Cause his organ had no stop.
Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don't mind
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

Once in awhile we go to shows
But a Lutheran is not a fan.
We don't whistle and we don't laugh
We smile as loud as we can.
If you come to church, don't expect to be hugged,
Don't expect your hand to be shook.
If we need to know who you are,
We can look in the visitors' book.
I was raised to keep a lid on it,
Guard what you say or do.
A Mighty Fortress is our God
So he must be Lutheran too.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don't mind
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor

The Great Howard-County Get-Together

Matt and I went to the Howard County Fair last weekend. I tried hard not to, but I couldn't help comparing it to the Minnesota State Fair, aptly subtitled "The Great Minnesota Get-Together." I would never have compared the Carver County Fair to the State Fair, so this obviously wasn't the least bit fair (pun most definitely intended). I must be going through a bout of homesickness.

We ate some yummy fair food, but even crab cakes aren't cheese curds:

We saw all sorts of animals, but we didn't really get to pet any of them (look at the way they were facing):
Besides, all the animals had "makes delicious pork" and "always tender and juicy" signs hanging over them. I mean, I always knew that Piggy Mama was destined for a life as premium bacon, but there was never a need to broadcast it. Minnesotans are too polite, even to our livestock.

And the exhibit on Maryland farms (and there is a surprising abundance of farming in Maryland), while obviously a lot of fun, was just an unairconditioned trailer on the back end of the fair. There were no kids climbing on tractors. No one was looking for their family's name on a "Century Farms" list. No one was learning about what their state actually does, nor where the literal fruits of its labor actually goes.

In short, no one was embracing their inner agrarian...their inner Minnesotan.

Hometown Pride

Part of me wonders which Chanhassen resident slipped the editors at Money magazine a bribe. Part of me wonders if there's a Chanhassen in California that they meant to feature. Part of me wonders if they've visited in January.

But most of me wonders what took them so long to figure out what a great place Chanhassen is and what a wonderful place it was to grow up.

Cold comforts of home

My friend Mindy came over the other night. She had to hurry inside because it was "so freezing" outside. We figured it was about 15 degrees. We talked about how cold it was back in Minnesota and Wisconsin. "Why do we miss those places?" Mindy asked.

Yesterday morning, a few girls in my first period were complaining about how cold it was outside and how cold my room was. It was around 10 degrees outside, and it takes a few bodies to warm up an old classroom, so, yes, it was cold. I told them how cold it was in Minnesota. "Why do you want to move back there?" they asked.

Then, yesterday afternoon, my friend Jessica (also an escapee from the bitter Minnesota winters) sent me this video:


21 below? Really? That's the air temperature! This dude isn't even wearing a hat! Although hammering with produce and calling it a "bammer" may have been a questionable choice for national television, this dude is proud of how cold his home state is. He's embracing the cold and, by God, it's embracing him.

This last week, Anna wrote about how cold it is, too. In Minnesota, life doesn't stop because it's cold. Minnesotans don't make a run on milk and bread when there are snow flurries in the sky. They're tough people who not only get out of bed when it's colder than the Arctic, but also find clever ways to multitask with fruit and get their butts to the gym.

Mindy, this is why we miss that place.

Kids, this is why I want to move back there.