Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

We're reading Oedipus in class right now.  Today, I introduced the idea of "hamartia," or a tragic flaw.  Oedipus's hamartia was his extreme arrogance (also known as "hubris"), and it ultimately brought upon his downfall.  I asked students to write about their own hamartia, then asked for volunteers to share their flaws.  One of my Asian students, who has only been in this country for a year or two, raised his hand:

"My hamartia is that I a bit racist.  You know, the Chinese, we eat the rice.  You white people, you all eat the bread.  And black people, they eat the fried chicken."

Thankfully, this class has a sense of humor.  I told the student that cultures are more than their carbs, and we moved on quickly.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

About a half hour after first period began one day this week, I heard a knock at the door.  There stood a student, earphones in ears and iPod blaring so loudly I could hear the poser gangster rap he was listening to. All electronics--cell phones, iPods, you name it--aren't allowed in school.  We're supposed to confiscate the devices when students are caught texting, covertly listening to music, etc.  I'm a big fan of this rule.

Me: "Thanks for joining us.  And thanks for the iPod."

Student: "But I just got here."

Me: "True.  But the rest of us have been here for a while already."

Student: "Can't I have a warning?"

Me: "You're a sophomore.  You've had a year to be forewarned."

Student: "But my mom is going to crucify me."

Me: "You should've thought of that."

Student: "But I didn't!"

Another student, under his breath: "What an idiot."

Nuggets of Matt Brilliance

As I was mentally preparing myself for the torture that is Back-to-School night, Matt sent me this email (forgive the vulgarity, but sometimes it just works too well):

"Capitalization Matters: It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

I'm a Lutheran 'til I die

This was an overwhelmingly Lutheran weekend.  

Matt and I went to the Prairie Home Companion "Summer of Love" tour on Friday evening (with some Lutheran friends, naturally) at the beautiful Pier 6 Pavilion in Baltimore's Inner Harbor.

We had wonderful seats (thanks, Garrett!), and we could've reached out and touched Garrison as he walked through the crowd:

Yesterday morning was an equally Lutheran experience: Rally Sunday.  It was so good to be back at church with our awesome high schoolers.  They've done more thinking and reasoning about their faith and their place in the world's faith community than most of the adults I know.  They're an inspiration.

In honor of all this glorious Lutheranness, I thought I'd share a song that aired on this weekend's Prairie Home Companion rebroadcast.  It was written in 1999 when the ELCA merged with the Episcopalians.  You can also cross your fingers and try to listen to the song here.

"I'm a Lutheran" by Garrison Keillor

Hello from Minnesota.
You call it pasta, we call it macaroni,
and thank you very much,
yes, I believe I will have more. And

I was raised in Iowa, went to Concordia,
Swedish, I'm proud to say.
Got a job at Lutheran Brotherhood,
And I never was sick one day.
Bought a house in south Minneapolis
Over by Cedar Lake
If you ask me this latest merger
Was nothing but a big mistake.
Now I have nothing against Episcopalians
I believe in an open door
I'm sure it's good to get new ideas
But we never did it that way before.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

We are a modest people
And we never make a fuss
And it sure would be a better world
If they were all as modest as us.
We do not go for whooping it up,
Or a lot of yikkety-yak.
When we say hello, we avert our eyes
And we always sit in the back.
We sit in the pew where we always sit,
And we do not shout Amen.
And if anyone yells or waves their hands,
They're not invited back again.
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

We've got chow mein noodles on tuna hotdish
And Jello with cottage cheese,
And chocolate bars and banana cream pie,
No wonder we're on our knees.
This is the church where we sing Amen
At the end of every song.
The coffee pot is always on
Cause the meetings are three hours long.
The blessed tie that binds our hearts
Is cream of mushroom soup
We do not walk through the door alone.
We wait and go as a group.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

Episcopalians are proud of their faith,
You ought to hear em talk
Who they got? They got Henry the 8th
And we got J.S. Bach.
Henry the 8th he had six wives
Trying to make a son.
J.S Bach had 23 children
And wives, he had just one.
Henry the 8th'd marry a woman
And then her head would drop
J.S. Bach had all those kids
Cause his organ had no stop.
Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don't mind
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

Once in awhile we go to shows
But a Lutheran is not a fan.
We don't whistle and we don't laugh
We smile as loud as we can.
If you come to church, don't expect to be hugged,
Don't expect your hand to be shook.
If we need to know who you are,
We can look in the visitors' book.
I was raised to keep a lid on it,
Guard what you say or do.
A Mighty Fortress is our God
So he must be Lutheran too.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don't mind
But I'm a Lutheran 'til I die.

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

My students have been busy in the library this week, researching countries in order to create a story that follows the "Cinderella" archetype, but in a specific culture.  One of my African American students chose to research Germany.  I don't think he'd ever read anything about Germany before.

Student: "So... Can my Cinderella's ball be this Oktoberfest thing?"

Me: "No."

Student: "Why not?  It looks like it's kind of a big deal there."

Me. "Your Cinderella can't go to a beer festival.  Pick something else."

Student: "I've been looking through this book, and I gotta say... I don't think there is anything else."

The First Week: An adventure in clothing

Even after being absent for months, it's amazing how quickly I fell into an old routine.  After just one week, my hyperorganization devolved into shockingly June-like behavior:

Sunday night: Agonize about what to wear.  Show Matt three different choices.  "Which one makes me look the most serious?"  Place most intimidating-looking outfit neatly in bathroom for ease of dressing tomorrow, including shoes and undergarments.

Monday night: Ask obligatory "What am I going to wear tomorrow?" question.  Quickly choose one of yesterday's rejected outfits.  Place all clothing choices in bathroom.

Tuesday night: Choose last of Sunday night's rejected outfits.  Move it to open space of the closet.

Wednesday night: Tomorrow is Back-to-School night.  Choose standard "Parents will think I'm a real professional" outfit.  Move to open space of the closet.

Thursday night: Home from Back-to-School night close to 10:00.  Exhausted from impressing parents, entertaining children, preparing lessons and grading papers.  Couldn't care less how professional or intimidating I look.

Friday morning: Wake Matt up by searching frantically for any work-appropriate--and clean--ensemble.  End up wearing a shirt with a pink stain on the front.  Pretend I didn't notice stain until I got in the car and wear stained shirt anyway.  Vow to return to my organized ways next week and chuckle at the hopelessness of that promise.

Guest Grammar Gig

I was flattered to write a guest post on the Marketing Mama blog today.  I'm such a fan of this blog, and I'm delighted to have the chance to contribute to it.  The post features my top 10 grammar pet peeves, or a snapshot of the type of "Grammar Violations" we cover each week in my class.  Due to popular demand (seriously), I'm going to post my Grammar Violations here each week.  Stop back for some roaring fun with grammar (or just to marvel at the fact that I'm teaching material to 10th graders that you probably mastered in 5th grade).

I'm also happy to take requests.  You know, those pesky, "I've always wondered about the difference between..." grammar questions.  No request is too small or seemingly simple, and all requests will be kept anonymous.

I'll leave with an introductory lesson I imparted on some appreciative parents during Back-to-School Night this evening: Avoid alliteration. Always.