Def Poetry...Womb Style

I started this school year with poetry from HBO's series Def Poetry Jam.  Call it "gangster poetry," call it "street poetry," call it "slam poetry."  Whatever you call it, there's no denying that it's poetry--seriously powerful poetry.

Franny was especially moved by the last poem we analyzed today: "Knock Knock" by Daniel Beaty.  I could feel him jumping around throughout the performance, but especially at the end.  Can you blame him?



Franny has such soul.

Teacher Rickrolling: The Aftermath

As a follow-up to my last post, I have to share first the beautiful video Matt made to help me trick my students:

Before I started the video, I handed out the essay questions found in yesterday's post and told them they had the last 15 minutes of class to work on this supplementary final exam.  It's sad, really, how many of them actually thought they would be writing two essays on "The Divine Existentialism of Cyrano de Bergerac" in fewer than 15 minutes.  Some even became openly hostile.  It was delightful.

A couple of my favorite students did something I hadn't planned for, however: they actually answered the stupid question.  Keep in mind that these are not the students Baltimore County has labeled as "gifted," and that they had maybe 10 minutes to write these essays.

Student 1
On Professor Puetner's follow-up lecture on Roxane's love interests, he dispels the myth that the Don Juan complex flourished at the time of the Musketeers.  I believe that, yes, it would have flourished in the pre-Raphaelite age at that time because of the many events in world history, including (1) the French Revolution during the 18th century with the conflict between the ruling class and the bourgeoisie on voting on important issues and (2) the European colonization and use of the sphere of influence of China's cultures as it relates to not controlling their own government.

Student 2
The Professor's follow-up lecture on Roxane's love interest in Christian dispels the myth that the Don Juan complex flourished at the time of the Musketeers.  The historical evidence of Charlie Sheen relates to this because of the way he treats women and his true love.  Roxane is actually Charlie Sheen in disguise.  I do not believe this is appropriate to read about in a 10th grade English class.  Thanks for being a great teacher, Mrs. Scherer!

The students have become the masters.  Mission accomplished.

Rick Rolling, Teacher Style

As their final project each year, my students create Facebook pages for the characters in Cyrano de Bergerac.  They typically have a lot of fun with them and ultimately show a greater understanding of the text than if they had simply written a paper.

This year, I've had a uniquely close relationship with many of my students.  As a result, they felt it would be okay to Rick Roll me through these projects.  For those not aware of the act of "Rick Rolling," it involves tricking people into hearing the lyrics and/or music of Rick Astley's 1987 painful classic "Never Gonna Give You Up."  Said listener wasn't expecting to hear the song, and he or she then curses the prankster as the song (rick) rolls through his or her head all day.  Allow me to Rick Roll you now as a demonstration:



I'm not one to sit back and let teenagers have the last laugh.  After they've taken their final exams this week, I'm going to tell them we're listening to a recording of a lecture about Cyrano de Bergerac and that they will be expected to respond to it with two formal essays, each of which will count for 50% of their final grade.  After they've received the instructions below, I'll begin to play the text of the "lecture."  And then Mr. Astley's song will kick in, thus effectively Rick Rolling my sophomores.  Last word: Mrs. Scherer.

The Divine Existentialism of Cyrano de Bergerac

Final Exam Supplementary Essays  

Directions: As you listen to Oxford University professor Raymond Logue's lecture on the existentialism of the divine actions of Cyrano de Bergerac, write a well-organized and detailed essay on the professor's assertions that dichotomy of Cyrano's perfunctory nature is in direct contrast with his stouthearted actions. 

Further analyze the professor's opinion on the protagonist's archaic actions as contrasted with the coquettish nature of his fraternal cousin and the play's heroine, Roxane.

In a second essay, predict how Professor Logue's follow-up lecture on Roxane's love interest, Christian, seeks both to support and dispel the myth that the Don Juan complex flourished at the time of the Musketeers. Would such a complex have flourished in the pre-Raphialite age as it did at that time?  Or are the two inherently mutually exclusive? Support your answer with at least six historical examples, including direct quotations from Sigmund Freud's early theories (references to later theories or other psychologists' refutations of such theories will result in zero credit).    

In both essays, support your position with exact quotations from Cyrano de Bergerac and at least three other texts read this year. Paraphrasing is unacceptable and will result in zero credit.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

On this week's vocabulary quiz was the word "Quell":  To put an end to; to subdue.

One student interpreted the definition a bit more literally.  When eating crabs in Maryland, we hit them with hammers or smash them on the table.  I assume this is what she was imagining when she wrote this very different sentence:

"Every summer at my grandma's, we sit outside to quell our crabs."

"You're a Word-maker..."

Today in class, my sophomores found passages from the novel we're reading, then wrote words to describe the tone of each passage.  This is the week before Spring Break, so some students got a little punchy and began making up words.

Then their teacher got a little punchy.

"You're such a word-maker," I said.  Then I thought about it.  The tune to "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar started running through my head.  Soon I was singing:

You're a...
Word-maker
Thesaurus-writer
Synonyms, don't you mess around with me

You're the right kind of sentence
To release my inner imagery

You're a...
Word-maker
Thesaurus-writer
Synonyms, don't you mess around with me

The next thing I knew, I was singing it all afternoon.  It really is catchy.

My delightful 7th period (which I can now share is my favorite--thank you, blog lock-down) added this addendum at the end of the day: "And then we gonna go all antonym, yo!"  Yes, the shift from 80's pop icon to gansta rap is a bit jarring, but they did include a hand signal: picture a "hang loose" gesture upside down, kind of like the letter A--for antonym.  Brilliant.

And just in case anyone isn't familiar with "Heartbreaker," (and so you can have "Word-maker" in your heads all day, too) this is my gift to you.  Go ahead...sing along.

Blog Lock-down

Amidst all the talk of a government shut-down, I feel rather guilty for explaining my own shut-down.  But since some of you have asked, here's the story:

I was talking with a few students not long ago, and one of them told me a story about getting flicked off by someone with a Twins bumper sticker.  I asked him to describe the car, because said flicker could most definitely have been one of our Minnesota acquaintances.  The student asked why I wanted to know, and I explained that Matt and I have several friends from Minnesota living in Maryland.  I said that we function like an immigrant community, forming our own "Little Minnesota," watching football, going to baseball games, etc.  Out of nowhere another student asked, "And blogging?"  I told him that was ridiculous, then Googled myself as soon as I had a chance.  Our blog is the fourth link.  This is the same student who has a D because he hasn't turned in a single homework assignment all quarter.  Obviously, his free time is being terribly misspent.

And so we're locked down for the foreseeable future.  Thank you for continuing to love our family and language as much as we do.

Pearls of Teacher Wisdom

This week my students are reviewing the difference between "whose" and "who's."  At the end of today's discussion, I made a comment about the "who's," as in the plural.  "Know the 'who's' by Friday's quiz," I said. 

Then off the top of my head, I rattled off the following delightful stream of consciousness:

The "who's."  Hmm...  That sounds like Dr. Seuss...

The "who's" down in Whoville liked grammar a lot.
But the Grinch who lived just north of Whoville did not.
He was a math major.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

I spent this entire weekend grading papers.  It feels great to be caught up on my work, but it felt better to chuckle at some of my students' delightful missteps:

One student meant to write that one character was "proving" something to another.  Instead, she wrote that the character was "probing" him.  Ouch!  I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that typo.

Another meant to write on a vocabulary quiz that his "squalid bedroom is covered with dirty wrappers," but instead wrote that his "squalid bedroom is covered in dirty rappers."  In his defense, I have heard that Snoop Dogg can be quite filthy.

Hatin' on Howard

I teach in Baltimore County, considered by many to be the consolation prize to teaching in Howard County.  Many families prefer Howard County as well, paying more in property taxes for schools that come with a slightly better reputation.

I'm very proud to teach in Baltimore County, and I'm especially proud of my high school and its feeder schools.  Understandably, I get a little defensive when people imply that Howard County Schools are in any way superior.  So I felt somewhat vindicated about a week ago when I left a Speech tournament at a Howard County high school and saw this sign at the middle school across the street:

I don't know if I would trust a conferenc with one of their teachrs.  It also didn't help Howard County's case that the house across the street was proudly waving not one, but two, Confederate flags.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

There was an article in Washington Post Magazine not long ago entitled "What Is Your Teen Thinking?"  It said that the part of the brain that thinks ahead and considers consequences hasn't yet been developed in teenagers' brains.  In other words: nothing new.

A few days later, I brought the magazine and much of the rest of my newspaper to school.  My speech students wrote storytelling speeches inspired by something they found in the newspaper.  One young man found the magazine article and said, "'What Is Your Teen Thinking?'  Is this all about sex?"

I told him, "It's actually about the fact that your brain doesn't consider the ramifications of stupid decisions."

He thought for a moment and said quietly, "C'mon.  You and I both know that's the same thing."

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

Today, I hit my students with the Earth-shattering news that "alright" is not a word.  It's "all right."  As students are every year, they were dumbfounded, baffled and even a little angry.  We had the same conversation we have every year about the addition of conversational (or "nonstandard") words into the dictionary.  I told them the inclusion of words such as "d'oh" and "ain't" in the dictionary doesn't make them words that educated people use in intelligent speech and writing.

One student interjected, "But what about in songs?  People use 'ain't' in songs all the time!"

Judging by the below-the-equator pants and previous comments from this student, I replied, "I don't think we should look to rap artists for proper diction."

He shot back, "No!  You know that song, 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'?  That ain't no rap!"

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

Matt got me a wonderful shirt for my birthday.  It's from the Library of Congress, and it says "I cannot live without books," a great quote by one of my favorite presidents, Thomas Jefferson.  Naturally, I wore it to school yesterday. 

One of my more vocal students looked at my shirt and said, "You are so weird."  He soon realized his mistake, and quickly said, "But in a good way!"

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

Hamartia (ha·mar·ti·a) -noun: A fatal flaw.

Student's written response: "My hamartia is that I over think thing."

Pearls of Teacher Wisdom

I was out of school at a meeting late last week, and another--far more seasoned--teacher covered one of my classes. 

I saw that teacher in the copy room this morning.  "So that class I covered last week," he began.  Little good ever comes from copy room conversations that start this way.

"They told me how hard your class is," he continued.  "Keep up the good work."

He's well-seasoned for a reason.

Jock Juxtapositions

Kickball...
Each teacher in our school has an assigned "duty."  Some stand in the cafeteria during a lunch shift.  Some monitor the parking lots before or after school.  I drew a short straw this year, so I'm on "coverage duty."  When a teacher is out for less than a full day, another teacher is sent to cover for him or her.

Usually I'm sent to cover in the foreign language department or for another English teacher.  I once had to cover for the Dance teacher, but she left her students wonderful busy work.  Then last week, I was notified that I would be covering for a gym teacher.  This teacher left me the following instructions: "After the girls change, take them out to the field hockey field.  Lead them in stretching and running, then start a game of kickball."  We have a field hockey field?  We used a random field behind the school instead.  What kind of stretching and running warms you up for kickball?  We skipped that part.  That left us 27 painful minutes of kickball.  The only contribution I made was when a girl yelled, "Our team is doing good!" and I replied "Your team is doing well!"

Football...
I spent much of yesterday at our first Speech competition of the year.  During one intense round of Exposition speaking, a very nervous sophomore was trying to convince us that "David Miliband will not, in fact, make the Labour Party less electable."  Meanwhile, the equally intense Baltimore City College High School football team was going through its pre-game grunting and hollering just below our classroom.  I don't remember much after, "David Miliband will not, in fact, make the Labour Party less electable."

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

We're reading Oedipus in class right now.  Today, I introduced the idea of "hamartia," or a tragic flaw.  Oedipus's hamartia was his extreme arrogance (also known as "hubris"), and it ultimately brought upon his downfall.  I asked students to write about their own hamartia, then asked for volunteers to share their flaws.  One of my Asian students, who has only been in this country for a year or two, raised his hand:

"My hamartia is that I a bit racist.  You know, the Chinese, we eat the rice.  You white people, you all eat the bread.  And black people, they eat the fried chicken."

Thankfully, this class has a sense of humor.  I told the student that cultures are more than their carbs, and we moved on quickly.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

About a half hour after first period began one day this week, I heard a knock at the door.  There stood a student, earphones in ears and iPod blaring so loudly I could hear the poser gangster rap he was listening to. All electronics--cell phones, iPods, you name it--aren't allowed in school.  We're supposed to confiscate the devices when students are caught texting, covertly listening to music, etc.  I'm a big fan of this rule.

Me: "Thanks for joining us.  And thanks for the iPod."

Student: "But I just got here."

Me: "True.  But the rest of us have been here for a while already."

Student: "Can't I have a warning?"

Me: "You're a sophomore.  You've had a year to be forewarned."

Student: "But my mom is going to crucify me."

Me: "You should've thought of that."

Student: "But I didn't!"

Another student, under his breath: "What an idiot."

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

My students have been busy in the library this week, researching countries in order to create a story that follows the "Cinderella" archetype, but in a specific culture.  One of my African American students chose to research Germany.  I don't think he'd ever read anything about Germany before.

Student: "So... Can my Cinderella's ball be this Oktoberfest thing?"

Me: "No."

Student: "Why not?  It looks like it's kind of a big deal there."

Me. "Your Cinderella can't go to a beer festival.  Pick something else."

Student: "I've been looking through this book, and I gotta say... I don't think there is anything else."

"Did I Miss Anything?"

In Maryland, another new school year began this week.  Some poor souls even had to begin last week.  We've only been back two days, and yet the same old questions have resumed:

"Is this for a grade?"

"Will this be on a test?"

"Are you collecting this?"

And my personal favorite...

"Did I miss anything yesterday?"

Yes, I did have students absent yesterday, the first day of school.  Someone needs to talk with them about the fine art of a first impression.

In honor of those teachers who have already answered that last question (or ever have or ever will), I'm sharing the poem that my students will analyze in class tomorrow.  Hopefully, the message will stick.

"Did I Miss Anything?" by Tom Wayman

Nothing. When we realized you weren’t here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours.

Everything.  I gave an exam worth
40 percent of the grade for this term
and assigned some reading due today
on which I’m about to hand out a quiz
worth 50 percent.

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning.
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose.

Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
a shaft of light suddenly descended and an angel
or other heavenly being appeared
and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
to attain divine wisdom in this life and
the hereafter.
This is the last time the class will meet
before we disperse to bring the good news to all people
on Earth.

Nothing. When you are not present,
how could something significant occur?

Everything. Contained in this classroom
is a microcosm of human experience,
assembled for you to query and examine and ponder.
This is not the only place such an opportunity has been
gathered,

but it was one place,

and you weren’t here.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

Overheard from an African American student in the hallway today:

"Brown vs. Board, yo. We be integrated."