Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

My students were scheduled to give oral presentations today. Most of them went quite well. Others, however...

Student: "I can't give my presentation today. Actually, I won't be ready until later this week."

Me: "Why not? We've been working on these for weeks, and you had all of Thanksgiving break to prepare."

Student: "I have a zit."

Chickens: nature's clowns

Today is the last of what has become a three-part "videos that make Rachel laugh" series. I have always insisted that chickens are the most hilarious of all animals (certainly the most hilarious of the water fowl). I implore my readers to watch this video and not laugh. Go ahead. Just try. I dare you.

Ode to Muppets

Always of the belief that there is no such thing as too much Muppets, here are a few more that follow in the same vein as yesterday's Muppets post. For some reason, the Muppets performing classical music seems even more appropriate than the Muppets performing Queen.

Queen of Muppets

Because life with "Bohemian Rhapsody" is good.

Life with the Muppets is better.

Life with both makes for a very happy Thanksgiving weekend.

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

This was one of the longest weeks ever. I think it took me an entire week to recover from last Saturday's birthday bash. Perhaps, then, I shouldn't have been surprised when I kept forgetting things all week. Yesterday morning, I forgot to put on half my makeup (that is, I forgot to use half my products, not I only made up half my face). The fact that I forgot just half was especially ridiculous.

I realized that I was missing my eye makeup when I was only about ten minutes from home. I figured no one would notice, though, so I just kept driving. But I forgot how aware of these things teenage girls are:

First Period...
Student: "Are you tired? You look really tired today."
Me: "Actually, yes, I am really tired."
(No idea that she was really saying, "Your eyes look strangely disgusting today.")

Third Period...
Student: "Are you feeling okay today? You look a little sick."
Me: "Well, I'm a little tired, but fine otherwise."
(No idea that she was really saying, "You look sickly and gross without a little help from Clinque.)

Sixth Period...
Student: "Do you usually wear glasses? Something seems different about you."
Me (yes, it took me this long to remember): "Yeah, I forgot to wear eye makeup today."
Student: "That's it!"
Another student: "How do you forget something like that?"

Seriously, I'm turning the car around next time.

The big birthday bash

What's better than one 30th birthday? Two 30th birthdays and a 28th birthday thrown in for good measure!

I was lucky enough to celebrate my milestone birthday with Kris, who was also turning 30, and Mary, who is a wee child of 28:

In honor of our milestones, we celebrated with an assortment of old-people favorites, from mashed potatoes and Jello to our signature "coffeetini" cocktail (modeled here with Jessica who made the journey from Pittsburgh for the big bash):

Matt also got us some headwear that he thought would be appropriate (if not for a birthday party, then for next year's American Gothic-inspired Halloween costume):

And I don't remember the last time I had a cake with my name on it (Thanks, Arjun!):

Thank you, Mary and Kris, for making my 30th birthday 30 times as fun and 30 times as memorable.

(And thank you for the photos, Arjun!)

Our compliments to the chef

Last weekend, Matt took me to Woodberry Kitchen in Baltimore for my birthday. I loved the food--especially the emphasis on local, sustainable agriculture. Matt, on the other hand, won't be requesting a return visit for his birthday.

As soon as we sat down, our waiter talked ad nauseam about their "extremely special" pork feature that was butchered on-site and came from a farm in New Jersey that only sold to three restaurants in the entire world. I believe the word "succulent" was used at least five times. A few minutes later, he came back to ask if we had any questions. He saw me looking at the wine list and went off on another five-minute oration about a specific region in California that produces some of the finest wine blends this side of Bordeaux. Apparently, he lived there for quite some time and "really experienced" the wine. Matt was so annoyed by this time, that he refused to make eye contact and insisted that we order everything quickly and avoid all possible conversation starters. I thought we were in the clear until we discovered the cheese appetizer we wanted wasn't available. Our waiter used this as an opportunity to tell us the names and favorite colors of the goats the other selections came from.

I think the waiter sensed our (okay, Matt's) irritation. Not more than five minutes after taking our order, he not only complimented the next table on their wonderful meal order, but also brought them an order of oysters on the house. Just a few minutes after that, the chef visited another table and brought them a free dessert.

Rachel: "Check that out. The chef is visiting that table over there."
Matt: "Really? Why?"
Rachel: "I don't know. Maybe they did that whole 'compliments to the chef' thing."
Matt: "You mean, they burped really loudly?"

And the mystery of the oil-and-water relationship of Matt and Woodberry Kitchen continues...

Pearls of Teenage Wisdom

A young lady overheard in the cafeteria today:

"Most boys are lying to you. Some just pretend they're not."

I wish I had learned by then what she knows now.

"You're Aging Well"

Perhaps still reeling from my 30th birthday last week, I've had another one of my favorite Dar Williams songs in my head for many days. As I've said before, her songs have a unique way of cycling through my life and popping up when I need them most. This one was a great companion this week (and the imagery in this version is inspiring for any woman of any age):



"You're Aging Well"

Why is it that as we grow older and stronger
The road signs point us adrift and make us afraid?
Saying "You never can win," "Watch your back," "Where's your husband?"
I don't like the signs that the signmakers make.

So I'm going to steal out with my paint and my brushes,
I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street,
It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin Hood vandal,
She goes out and steals the King's English
And in the morning you wake up and the signs point to you,

They say
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"
"You thought nobody cared, but I did, I could tell,"
And "This is your year," and "It always starts here,"
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, "You're aging well."

Now I know a woman with a collection of sticks,
She could fight back the hundreds of voices she heard
And she could poke at the greed, she could fend off her need
And at anger she found she could pound every word.

But one voice got through and caught her up by surprise
It said, "Don't hold us back, we're the story you tell,"
And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken
And the voices before her were trumpets and timpani
Violins, basses and woodwinds and cellos, singing,

"We're so glad that you finally made it here,
You thought nobody cared, but we did, we could tell
And now you'll dance through the days while the orchestra plays
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, you're aging well."

Now when I was fifteen, oh I knew it was over,
The road to enchantment was not mine to take,
'Cause lower calf, upper arm should be half what they are,
I was breaking the laws that the signmakers made.

And all I could eat was the poisonous apple
And that's not a story I was meant to survive,
I was all out of choices, but the woman of voices
She turned round the corner with music around her,
She gave me the language that keeps me alive, she said:

"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,
With the things you know now, that only time could tell,
Looking back, seeing far, landing right where we are
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, you're aging, oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh and I am aging,
oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, aren't we aging well?"

Pearls of (Young) Teenage Wisdom

Some colleagues and I spent today, my 30th birthday, at a local middle school. Our goal was to see how one of our "feeder schools" prepares students for the types of activities they'll have to do in high school.

The highlight of the day was in the first class we visited. The teacher introduced us as guests from Dulaney High School. One of the middle school students turned around and asked, "Are you teachers or students?" We told him that we're teachers, and he said, "Really? You look like you're in high school."

I know we're not supposed to pray in public schools, but on this, the dawn of what was very nearly a third-life crisis, I uttered a quiet, "God, bless this child."

God Dog

On our way to church this morning--and on this All Saints' Day--this video seems especially appropriate: