Matt for President!

There are so many reasons why that will never happen. The primary reason, according to NPR, is because my Matt is follically challenged. Never in the history of the United States have we elected a bald man (or woman, I suppose) to our highest office. Yes, Gerald Ford was balding, but he also wasn't elected. In this year of millions of cracks in the glass ceiling, bald men (yes, and women) are still the forgotten minority--cast aside as the unsung heroes in the perpetual fight against discrimination in America. Why, even Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden, a hero of the "everyman," used to be bald until he abandoned his hairless brethren:

Conversely (and quite fascinating, I might add), Soviets/Russians have a rich history of accepting--nay, uplifting--the hairless among them. In fact, they have a most peculiar pattern, as noted by Steve Jones, head of the Biology Department at University College in London:

Lenin: Bald
Stalin: Hairy
Khrushchev: Bald
Brezhnev: Hairy
Andropov: Bald
Chernenko: Hairy
Gorbachev: Bald
Yeltsin: Hairy
Putin: Bald(ing)
Medvedev: Hairy

So, this must mean that Russia's next president has to be bald. There are a few hurdles in our way, but I see no reason why Matt can't defect to Russia, become a foreign national, and be elected.

Matt for President!